


Our Last Dance

by rosepetalrevolution



Series: Utena Between-the-Lines Fic [3]
Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Implied Violence, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV First Person, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3435068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosepetalrevolution/pseuds/rosepetalrevolution
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short ode to Anthy's thoughts and feelings throughout Duel 3: The Night of the Ball</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Last Dance

I should have known. I think that, in the back of my mind or deep in the empty, cavernous place inside me that they say should hold a soul, I did know. Girls like me are never the dance queen. Girls like her never want to be friends with girls like me. Girls like you never stay for long.

Being seen with you yesterday morning was the first time I’ve ever been glad to have been looked at. The way they looked at you, that they saw me on your arm, it was enough to make me feel almost… well, something. Their glances betrayed their envy, but for once they omitted their hate. Our eyes speak more than our mouths ever could, and I thought I had heard all that people had to say. Until I was seen with you.

Maybe you really aren’t like the others… Maybe I was just thankful to not have to go back to him.

I don’t understand what it is that I feel when I look into your eyes. I once knew the name for it, so long ago that I can barely remember. I only felt it once, faint and uncertain, like a message sent out by a faraway lover. I’m sure it was a dream…

…

There’s a face in the mirror. Is it mine? I didn’t realize I had a face. If it weren’t for the pain, I’d have forgotten about my body too. This girl I see, who you see when you look at me, she is merely a vessel. Who was it that first decided to remove her soul? Who was it that decided to never let it return?

But you’re not so different from me - of course, all girls are like the Rose Bride. You act so tough, but I know your weakness, and so does he. You’re a knight in shining armor, but you’ve left your heart exposed. Be careful, Utena-sama, or a villain will strike when you least expect it. 

Maybe you’re not so different from the others, either. All the others who have come before, and all those who will come after, you’re all the same. I’ll always do what each of you commands. I’ll always hate each of you. None of you will notice. None of you ever do.

No, you’re nothing special after all. If you were, we wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be wearing that dress. I realize that you’ve led me into a trap, but you will fail to see the trap that’s being laid for you. Where is your sword now, noble prince?

It is by your will that I am here, alone in this room full of people, waiting for the pain. I tried to tell you. This is what happens when they look at me – they remember what I did, and they remind me of my sins. The centuries will pass, these people will all die, but my existence among them will always be the same, both eternal and contained entirely within this moment. It had been my choice then… now I will never again have a choice… if it weren’t for you…

darkness

I can hear them coming…

…Is that you calling my name? Is that you dressing my wounds? Is that you taking my hand? If I didn’t know better, I would have thought you were the one I lost long ago, back from the grave, watching over me.

But I know that cannot be. You’ll never be my prince. Because…

Your smile gives instructions. It’s not like how your words command me. No, despite it all, because of your smile, I will enjoy this dance. The way you look at me, something warm in your eyes… I will enjoy being in your arms tonight, though I’ll never tell a soul. Tomorrow always brings another duel, and eventually you will be gone and forgotten. But I’ll hold tight to this memory, my first dance in centuries, even though it’s doomed to be our last.


End file.
